How Do You Get That Lonely?
by keller12917
Summary: Deeply saddened by the death of a close friend, Steve seeks answers. Mike and Jeannie, among others have deep concern for the young man they are so fond of and hope his search does not send him over that same edge his friend found.


**A/N This is dedicated to the memory of all who have lost the battle to keep on going and dedicated as well to the ones who struggle each day to find a reason to keep going and have managed thus far to not give in. May we all find a reason for living just one more day whether it be a special friend or family or your pets or just something you have found some joy in. Also dedicated to the real Mr. Bigglesworth who Thursday(2/19) lost his human friend, I wish for Mr. Bigglesworth's sake he could have hung on longer. This story was inspired by that young man's suicide and my reaction to the news. Although I have never met the young man I was very upset hearing the news of his death. I just wanted to add this note so it is known that this story idea was not taken from any other writer's stories but from a news item that affected me greatly. Thank you.**

**Thanks goes to the few special online friends that have helped me to remain another day I think they know who they are at least I hope they do. :) Also to my family(both human and pet form) for each day they keep me here on this earth along with those special people I have come to be so fond of that are my special online friends.**

**Find something or someone in each day that will give you that smile trust me life as hard as it can get really can be worth living if you just give it another minute or five or a whole day you will find something or someone that makes you want to stick around for the rest of your ride.**

**Thanks to all the readers on this site as well.**

**Thanks to Shergar for checking this story over for me.**

**Disclaimer**

_I do not profit from the characters from "The Streets of San Francisco" I am not the creator of the series, that is Quinn Martin._

**How Do You Get That Lonely?**

"I can't believe he did it! I mean my God, Mike how could he end his life that way?" Steve cried out wanting to understand.

"Buddy boy, I wish I had those answers for you. I know this is a deep hurt and one that nobody might never understand. If he was in such deep emotional pain he probably just had all he could take. I know I am not an advocate for suicide at all, but I do realize not all of us can know another's pain unless we have been in their shoes." Mike tried to comfort Steve.

"He has a cat that he rescued, I have offered to take him if they decide they would rather find another home for Mr. Bigglesworth." Steve spoke quietly afraid of what Mike might say knowing how busy they stay.

"Well, if that is what you feel you must do, Steve than that is what you must do. I am sure when Jeannie is home she would be happy to help out with Mr. Bigglesworth so you won't be worried over him as much when we have to work extra hours."

Mike knew Steve needed someone to talk to as hard as this had hit him and while Mike and Jeannie would be there for Steve come hell or high water without question, Mike knew this time Steve just might have to seek professional counselling. He had seen Steve take deaths hard that were job related including criminals as well as officers and civilians but this one had him totally in the pits of hell so to speak.

He was afraid even to leave Steve alone he did not know why, but he knew he was worried. When he tried to insist that Steve come home with him that evening he was not prepared for how much resistance Steve gave him and he finally just accepted Steve's decision to stay at hs own place.

That night Mike did not sleep much with worrying over Steve like he was. He kept waking feeling he should go check on him but feeling it would anger Steve. He wished Jeannie was going to be home sooner than she planned so he could use her as an excuse to go pay Steve a visit. As he thought of using his daughter as a decoy he almost felt ashamed.

He finally picked up the telephone and dialed Jeannie's dorm room in Arizona and felt relief when she answered on the first ring. He had been so afraid he would wake her.

"Jeannie, it's Mike. Listen..."

"Mike, what's wrong?! Have you been hurt? Has Steve?" Jeannie sounded worried.

"No, sweetheart neither of us have been hurt, I promise. I am sorry to call so late but well I was wondering, I know you were not planning to come in until Sunday and wondered was there some plans that were keeping you there until then?"

"No, Mike no plans at all. I just knew that you guys were going to be working until Saturday. I can come in sooner though. What is going on you sound well not frantic but there is something about your voice."

Mike explained everything to Jeannie and by the end of the call she felt the same as he did that Steve might bear some watching. She would head home first thing she promised. When they had hung up Jeannie started packing the rest of her things. She had packed her car for the most part the day before. After getting the last two bags packed and dressing, she headed to her car planning to head out immediately. If Mike had known she was heading out right away he would have been worried over two people Jeannie knew so she did not share this information with him. She knew the driving time between Arizona and San Francisco and planned to stop every so often.

Mike had headed back to work after his call with Jeannie taking the route past Steve's apartment. He saw what he had feared; lights on in the apartment. He decided against stopping at least for now hoping that there were no nightmares or worse keeping his partner up in the middle of the night.

The next day Jeannie Stone pulled into San Francisco at almost noon. She knew she could have made it sooner but had opted to stop at a motel along the way and rest a few hours. Her first stop was Steve's apartment. Hearing the knocking Steve was grumbling to himself thinking Mike was playing Mother Hen.

"Alright, Mike I am coming. I told you I was..." Steve's words were cut off as he saw a different Stone at his door than who he expected. "Jeannie, I thought you weren't coming in until Sunday."

"I drove in early there was nothing keeping me there and I wanted to see you guys. Can I come in?"

"Uh yeah sure sorry come on in." Steve spoke quietly standing aside for her to enter. "Mike didn't have you come check on me did he?"

"No, Steve he didn't honest. He did call me yesterday and let me know about your friend. I was really sorry to hear the news and told him I was coming home sooner than planned." Jeannie admitted staying on the edge of the truth.

Steve and Jeannie fixed some lunch together visiting together. Steve introduced her to his friend's cat who he had picked up that morning to see how he would do around Steve's apartment and with Steve himself.

When lunch was about ready there was another knock at the door Jeannie answered it for Steve as he was feeding Mr. Bigglesworth before they sat down to eat. Mike was not as surprised to see Jeannie there already as she thought he would be. They hugged at the front door both happy to see the other. Steve washed his hands then came to greet his new visitor.

"I owe you an apology, Mike. I thought you sent Jeannie over here. She assured me you only called her yesterday to let her know about Adam. Lunch is ready if you want to wash up."

After meeting Mr. Bigglesworth and washing his hands Mike sat down to lunch with Steve and Jeannie. The trio enjoyed their time together sharing different topics of conversation as well as the meal. By the end of the meal Steve had agreed to talk with Lenny. He had no idea how they both convinced him as the thought of talking to Lenny was one of the last things he ever wanted.

The next week or so other than seeing Mike and Jeannie Steve saw Lenny as much as possible as he had many inner demons to exorcise. One session was a particularly tryng one for Steve and while Lenny did not really want to let Steve go he knew he could not hold Steve there.

Jeannie was riding into the parking lot on her ten-speed bicycle when Steve passed her speeding out of the parking lot. Without hesitation having caught a quick glimpse of his face she quickly pedalled after his departing Porsche. She had no idea where he was going but she knew she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and pushed hard to keep up as good as she could. She almost lost him a couple times and knew he was not even aware she was following. At SFPD Lenny had called homicide and was on the phone with Mike.

"All I can say is you need to check on him, Mike. It was not the easiest session he has had. I can't tell you what went on in here just that." Lenny cut it close but made sure his tone expressed his concern.

"Thanks, Lenny I am leaving now," Mike assured him as Bill stood in his office doorway. He hung up with Lenny and got up getting his coat and hat on. "What have you got Bill?"

Bill Tanner spoke very lowly to Mike informing him Jeannie was after Steve on her bicycle a black and white unit had recognized her and Steve's car she was chasing. He told Mike the direction and what street they were last seen on, hearing the area alarm bells went off in Mike's head. He thanked Bill hurriedly than rushed out wanting to get to Steve and Jeannie.

Jeannie was feeling tired and knew Steve had went around the curve she had no idea now if she could catch up. She stopped her bicycle for a minute thinking she heard an engine racing she was not totally sure but it sounded like Steve's Porsche. She knew there could be other engines that sounded like his but she had heard his enough to feel in her gut that was his she was hearing. With renewed fortitude she rode hard to get to the source of the sound. As she rounded the curve the sight before her tore at her heart and put the fear of God into her as she had not felt in a long time. Steve was basically heading toward a cliff area that had a barricade where another car had went over recently. She heard Steve's brakes being applied though as he got closer but then saw him backing up and then racing toward it again. She hurriedly raced her bike closer and with tears streaming down her face as he sat revving his engine she rushed to the driver side.

"Steve, please don't! Don't do this to me and Mike!" Jeannie cried thinking he was planning to leave them as his friend had done.

Steve heard Jeannie over his engine and looked at her stunned then saw her bicycle and realized what lengths she had gone through to follow him out there. He cut his engine immediately and got out of the car and pulled her into his arms holding her close. As they stood there holding onto each other that was where Mike found them.

"Jeannie, I promise I wasn't...I mean it's not what you might be thinking. I was just seeing if it was possible he could have stopped, honest. Have I ever lied to you yet?" Steve tenderly brushed her tears away. "Trust me you and Mike and Mr. Bigglesworth are not going to get rid of me that easy, I promise."

"I was so scared, Steve. I saw your face as you left the parking lot so I rode after you as fast as I could. I was afraid I... oh, I don't even want to think what I was thinking. I am just thankful my thinking was wrong." Jeannie's voice sounded thankful.

"You gave both of us quite a scare, buddy boy, Lenny too for that matter." Mike spoke seriously.

"I know and I am sorry, Mike. You both have nothing to worry about I am in this for the long haul, you have my solemn promise." Steve vowed.

Mike could tell as could Jeannie from Steve's eyes that he meant what he said. Jeannie's bicycle was loaded onto the top of Steve's roof and strapped down. Steve drove her and her bicycle to Mike's where she put her bicycle back in her room then rode with Steve in his car where they were to meet Mike at Mama's for an early dinner. From that day forward things were easier going for Steve in his counselling sessions both with Lenny and with Jeannie and Mike. Sooner rather than later he returned to work having exorcised most of the demons that haunted him. Between the trio that deep bond they already had shared they found just had increased even more than any thought possible.

Mr. Bigglesworth remained with Steve for the rest of his life.


End file.
